Holy Cow! The last 24 hours of my life have been a total spin of craziness. And just to put it out there, no, we have not yet found our girl. I just want to say that I SO appreciate all the uplifting and encouraging comments that folks left on the original "Roller Coaster" post. It was exactly what I needed.
For a long time now, I have been thinking about a lot of different aspects of this adoption. I've been thinking about my fears, the possibilities, the future, what life will be like, attachment and bonding issues-- all of the usual things that adoptive parents examine (my thoughts written here are really only scratching the surface). And then, I started voicing concern to a few folks that might understand. I don't even remember why or how we got started talking about it, but one person in particular started mentioning some things to think about when choosing an agency. Well, in the last 24 hours, I have come to believe that our agency may not be the right one for us... Don't get me wrong, I really like the people who work there, but I just don't know if their philosophy (among other things) exactly melds with ours. At this point, I really can't believe I'm saying this, but I am pretty certain that we are going to be switching agencies. So, now here we are, researching agencies again (as you may recall, we came to this agency in the first place because of their Taiwan program, but stayed because we wouldn't be losing any funds. We never really researched any of our other options). The ONLY thing that is holding my own mind back at the moment is the loss of the agency fees, which is a lot of money.
The other part of this is that we have to make a decision and go with it,like, NOW. I called USCIS yesterday to check on the status of our I-800A and they reported that we had been assigned an officer. YAHOO! Until I found out that if we wanted to switch, we need to do it PRIOR to immigration approval or we would be slapped with another $350 fee... the roller coaster goes UP and then it comes DOWN... So, of course I called USCIS today to say "WAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!" but I had to leave a message with our officer and she didn't call me back.
Anyway, needless to say, my stomach has been in knots all day long. DH is just fine with switching agencies and doesn't mind the large chunk of change we will be leaving behind, but as you can see, we think a little differently on money matters :)
The thing is, this whole business is a total leap of faith. I've been trying to be still and pray over it all, but I kind of feel like I am trying to rush an answer. I don't want to do anything rash-- and switching agencies without the right reasoning is pretty rash. On the other hand, we are at a critical point that needs to be addressed.
In closing, if any of you out in the adoption blog world have or have had an agency for SN that you just loved working with, please let me know! It would make my research that much easier. Thanks all you folks out there in blog-land!
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7 comments:
Hang in there--
Kay
Oh my!! This really stinks, but if you are feeling this way, then I believe there are definitely reasons. It sounds like you already know what you have to do. My short answer is that we are using Lifeline and are very happy. They have access to the shared SN list and also get their own SN list. I will send you some more detailed info through Facebook.
I also have a book recommendation to put out there that is so faith-building and encouraging. It is called "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat" by John Ortberg. It isn't about adoption, but boy, this is such a water walking experience sometimes!!! A must read for those of us taking huge steps of faith in this process!!
I'm so sorry you are having a tough time! Don't feel bad about needing to find the right situation for you! We found our daughter in the WACAP family finders program. They sometimes have babies and younger kids and a lot of them have subsidies to make up for the $$$ you lost. WHFC has babies on their waiting child list. Holt International has babies. Childrens Home has lots of babies. All of them, but Holt require a password to see their list. Just call them and tell them you are home study ready for a special needs adoption and they will give you the password and you can check their lists every morning for new additions and get files for any that may be your daughter. That's what we did. Keep looking - you will find her. Email me anytime for help!
Goodness Child... we need to send some serious hugs over your way. Do you feel like punching your pillows yet? Email me if you still have my address... I'm going to find yours... my son has the stomach flu so I'll try to respond quick. Much love...you'll find a way; you will see your little girl in your arms.
I'm so sorry all of this is happening again. Just remember what God told you from the begining. This is just as much about what He wants to do in you and Steve as it is about finding your little girl. Now's the time to press in. There's a bigger lesson here. I'll be praying for answers (even if I don't always understand the question!) :)
Yikes -- I had no idea you were going through so much! So sorry about all the hassle and heartache.
I just found your blog after reading your post on LCC. I hope you find an agency that is right for you. We started out in 2006 with WACAP.then switched to ASIA. We brought our daughter home...
Now..adoptin #2 and we are back with WACAP. It is a roller coaster that is for sure!!!
Best of luck!!!!
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