The Blessings in Disguise

There are particular times in our lives when we stop to reflect on how precious every moment truly is. Usually we don't expect or hope for tragedy to come into our lives and force us onto our knees, but sometimes it may be just what we need. You see, my husband, S, is a sher!ff deputy working in a local contract city and-- may I just say?-- he is one of the good ones! I love the fact that he loves his job and is very good at it. This past year, he was named Off!cer of the Year in his city, then went on to become Off!cer of the Year in the precinct where he works and was even up for Off!cer of the Year for the entire county! He is well liked at work, obviously. And he has a specialty that we can ALL appreciate, that being a Drug Rec0gnition Expert, where he has taken intensive classes on how to tell what kinds of nastiness an impaired driver might be consuming. Essentially, he goes out at night to look for impaired and/or drunk drivers and, hopefully, makes a dent in the problem or, even more hopefully, makes a dent in the person's life. This is all well and good, but generally, it is as far as I like to think about what S does. All I know for sure is he loves his job.

Well, a few weeks ago, I was sleeping in my bubble of limited information about what my husband actually does when I got a mysterious knock on my door at 3am. Anyone who was a *little* more prepared may have been alarmed by this... not me. I hopped out of bed thinking that it was probably S having forgotten his key (and I didn't want him to make such a racket and wake the kids up!). I wasn't even really that alarmed at the sight of two huge, burly uniformed 0fficers (keep in mind, I am only 5'2", so huge is a relative term) standing there. Even when I heard the words, "bad accident," "collapsed lung" and "taken to Harborview [the regional trauma center for the entire Northwest]," it still didn't register what kind of problem I was facing because, after all, that bubble I lived in was all-encompassing.

When we arrived at the hospital, things began to sink in. There were tons of c0ps standing around, waiting to be useful in some way and they all had the best intentions. But I can tell you, seeing S lying on a gurney, intubated and medically sedated, I kept looking around wishing, hoping that S was one of the ones standing around, not on that gurney. It was not as if I had never seen anyone in such a condition before, I am a nurse after all. Seeing someone you love in such a vulnerable place, though, is truly humbling.

Over and over again, I was being told that he was okay, everything was going to be alright, but that's not how I saw it. Yes, S was still alive-- THANK GOD-- yes, he was not badly injured, yes, there were people there to support me, but none of them had any idea how naked I felt, suddenly living in reality outside of my warm comfortable bubble. I broke down and sobbed for the first time of many right there in the ER. Those moments are still hard to think about. And I can't quite imagine what it will be like the days he goes back to work.

In retrospect, I have a little more information and a different perspective. It is one of a little more grace, a little more mercy, a whole lot more thanksgiving, and a whole lot less living in the future. When talking to the detectives about the accident, S learned that there were so many variables working against him that the physics of the accident don't really support the reason why he is alive. Essentially, it was a miracle. And on top of that, S came out with a lot of bruises, a few scratches, three broken ribs and THAT IS IT. He has recovered almost all of his lung function and will continue to do so until he is completely healed. If you ever needed a more clear example of Psalm 91, I think we have it here.

So, we've been shaken up a bit. Even after almost 10 years of marriage, I feel stronger than ever before. LilyJoy (and Samuel and Timothy) has gotten to spend lots of concentrated time with her daddy, which she has so desperately needed. We have seen a side of the law enforcement community that is just amazing!! I still haven't had to make a single dinner since the accident on October 5th! They really take care of each other. And I can see that I am needed in that community as well-- how would this experience have been different if the spouses of the other off!cers had been living inside a bubble? I still have some facing fears to do, but I am working on it. And everyday, I am so thankful he's still around.