Feeling Real

So, we got an email on Friday saying that the CCAA (China's governmental office dealing with adoption) had listed 160 new children on its shared list. There was a brief description of each child including DOB, gender and SN (special need). So, of course, I went through to feel out what a potential child might hold for us. Let me tell you, it is SO HARD choosing between SN's. How do you choose this one over that one? If I had my own biological child with any of these "issues," it's not like I would EVER say no, I can't deal with that. Any of you adoptive families of SN kiddos, did you deal with this? How?
But I digress... I wrote down about 5 that were all girls about a year old and requested the files. Our SW at ASIA further clarified their SN's and it was clear that only one *might* fit our requests. So, we got that file, saw the most beautiful little girl and then decided she was probably not for us. Disappointing? Maybe. But how cool is it that we are looking at real live possibilities??! Any one of these little girls could be OUR LITTLE GIRL!! It is beginning to feel so real! Admittedly, we need to pray some more and keep working on getting our ducks in a row. That way, when it becomes clear that a particular little girl is the one for us, we will be ready.

This is NOT a line at the grocery store.

So, apparently this week the #1 family on our agency's Taiwan list accepted a referral of an older child. This is wonderful news! A referral of ANY child is a wonderful thing, it's like the birth of a child. But when I heard that, I had to fight the temptation to start thinking, "well, if we were still in the Taiwan program, we would be #4 now and with one more referral our papers would be sent to Taiwan and we would be SO MUCH closer..." The fact of the matter is, this news doesn't change anything. God is NOT trying to torture us. He is not in the business of torture, He is in the business of mercy, grace and love. He hurts when we do. I have to remember that being one step closer doesn't change my uncomfortable feeling about Chung Yi. This was still not an infant referral and they still don't foresee referrals picking up anytime soon.

I'm not a very patient person-- at least, I don't think so. When I am in a hurry, I tend to be one of those annoying people who changes lines in the grocery store, just because it looks like that person has less to buy than that one. I'm not rude about it, but I do tend to be a line switcher. This adoption business is so NOT the same thing!! I am saying this here and now-- CHINA SN IS WHERE GOD HAS CALLED US TO BE. There will be no more switching lines! There. I feel better now. And I will be thrilled to hear of any infant referrals in Taiwan because it will mean I was wrong about the CY program. But we will stay right here to find our little girl in God's timing. I am so grateful!

We're out.

Well, it sounds fairly certain that Chung Yi will be implementing a new rule about family size-- no more than 1 child already in the family-- that will officially kick us out of our program, since we have Samuel and Timothy. Since we still haven't heard from our agency on it yet, we don't know how this will affect any kind of refund, so we're still a bit in limbo about leaving the agency. We're just tired of CY pulling us this way and that, making hope rise and then fall. We just want to adopt. Period. But we're desparately trying to do God's will. More and more, we are looking toward China special needs and we were told by our agency that all fees collected would transfer right over. As for how long it would take? It could be a year, it could be sooner. Those of you who know us, though, also know that we would like to have four kids. So, in order to let the water settle a little and give us a better focus, we may go ahead and *attempt* for a third biological child. This seems to be the direction that we have the most peace about, but we need your prayers!! Please help us over the next weeks and months to pray about this and find the right path so we can stand firm in His marvelous light.

New Rumors...

Well, another rash of rumors comes out about Chung Yi, the orphanage from which our agency adopts. This time, it would seem that CY will soon only be adopting out Special Needs and older children to most U.S. agencies (I'm assuming Canada would also be included in that, but maybe not). Upon confronting our agency about such rumors, we were told that the director of ASIA is flying to Taiwan next week and will be meeting face to face with the director of CY. They are hopeful that because they haven't heard from CY directly about any of this that they will be one of the few agencies that CY will continue to work with for Non Special Needs children. I'm not holding my breath. It will, however, be interesting to see what comes out of that meeting. Maybe a little honesty for a change? What a concept.